The Saga of Moon and Noir
by WearerOfCapes
Summary: Vince has snuck out. Again. His mum won't be happy. But he has something to do, and someone new to meet, and a new, better life to live... How the Boosh began, and how they dealt with life until series one. T for language later on.
1. The Park

**A/N: So, I thought I would show my own version of how Howard and Vince met. Like a prequel to the Boosh, if you will. I am going to continue it up until the start of the first series. I have no idea how many chapters that will take me; maybe four, at a rough guess. Anyway, I hope you like it. :)**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the legendary being known as the Mighty Boosh doesn't belong to me. All I own is the version of events that I created.**

25/10/1989

Vince opened the window slowly, and winced as it squeaked. He froze, hoping his mum hadn't heard. But there was no sound from the room next door. He pushed the window open fully, shivering as a blast of icy rain blew in. The streetlights outside cast an eerie shadow of the oak tree outside the window onto the wall. Carefully, shaking slightly, he climbed out and stood on the sill. He faltered slightly before jumping the gap to a nearby sturdy branch. He slipped on the wet bark, but kept his grip. Climbing down was a matter of three minutes work; he'd done this many times before. He dropped the last couple of feet, but misjudged his landing and stumbled. He fell down onto the muddy ground and swore profusely. The mud was cold and soggy, and it had ruined his new pale blue Chelsea boots. He got up and shook his head, before walking out of his garden and onto the deserted road. The rain seemed to be slowing slightly, but it wasn't long before his blond hair was plastered to his face. He wandered down the street slowly, to the park at the end of the road. He opened the small wooden gate and walked in, ignoring the children's play equipment. Instead, he drifted towards the back corner, next to the fence, where a small stone paving stone was laid into the ground. Vince crouched next to it and read over the inscription he had laboriously carved himself:

'Sapphire Noir, torn from life too early. 6th July – 7th August 1989. We will always miss you.'

Sapphire had been his sister, his only sibling. His mother hadn't told him she was gone until he commented on the fact she wasn't in the house the next day. He had loved her, he'd looked after her, he'd cared for her so much. And she was gone. It was October now, and he still thought about her every day. When he couldn't sleep, he ventured out to the soft limestone panel he had placed and spoke to her. He never really said anything; he trusted that if she was where she deserved to be, she could tell what he was thinking. That was what he did tonight, leaning on the fence, sending her silent prayers, felling silent tears roll down his cheeks. The rain had stopped, and what he could see of the streets was beautiful, the wet ground dyed gold by the reflections of the streetlights. He sat there for an hour in the cold and the dark, feeling downcast about his whole life. He didn't know what to do anymore. His mother had never really wanted him at home. His father had ditched him long before memories began for Vince. Sapphire, for a month, had meant the world to him. Now his world had ended, and he was left in an apocalyptic, terrifyingly barren landscape. Nothingness. That was what it was. He had nothing. Not even friends. Vince sighed, knowing that if his mother discovered that he was out in the middle of the night, she'd go ballistic. So he got up, wiped his eyes, feeling his eyeliner smudge, and walked away from his sister. But as he passed the play area, he noticed a lone figure sitting on the swings, their back to him. He crept over quietly, trying not to make a noise. But the figure turned to look at him. It was a boy of about his age, perhaps a little older, wearing a long black trench coat and a trilby hat. Vince attempted a half smile, and failed dismally.

"Alright mate?" he said. "I'll leave you to it, I gotta get home." He made to walk away, but the other boy said:

"No. Stay. Please?" Vince nodded and sat on the other swing, idly swinging his legs.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Howard. Howard Moon."

"Cool. I'm Vince Noir."

"Vince Noir? Do I know you?"

"I dunno. Maybe. I got kicked outta school a while back for being a total pain in the backside. Every school in the city was warned about me."

"Oh. Yeah, that'll be it."

"So, how old are you?" Vince asked curiously.

"I turn seventeen tomorrow."

"D'you mean today? It's like, two am."

"Oh, yeah. Today, then."

"Cool. Happy birthday."

"How old are you?"

"I turned sixteen in July."

"Right." He paused. "Your parents know you're out here?"

"Only got one. And my mum pretty much hates me. So no."

"Oh. Sorry to hear that."

"It's fine. I'm just waiting for an offer to come up on somewhere to live. Then I can get away from the atmosphere in my house."

"What sort of atmosphere?"

"Well, it's a pretty long story."

"Well, that's pretty clichéd. And I don't have to be home for about another four hours." So Vince told the near-stranger about his mum, his sister, his issues with trying to get a job, and his need for a friend.

"Well…" Howard said. "I think I could help you a bit."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I've got a flat. You know, if you want to move in with me, feel free. As for a job, I work part time at a zoo. I hear they're looking for a new keeper. Hopefully that'd help a bit to keep you occupied and keep your mind off your sister. And if your mum doesn't want you at home, then I doubt she'd be an issue."

"What about a friend?"

"That's me, you numpty."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah, really. We can be mates, right?"

"Yeah. That'd be well cool." He smiled, properly this time.

"Good."

"Thank you, Howard." Howard smiled back and looked away.

"It's okay."

"Hey, I forgot to ask: Why are you here so late?"

"I come here a lot. I have trouble sleeping."

"Oh. You're okay then?"

"Apart from being tired, yeah, I'm fine."

"Good." He looked at the floor for a bit, then continued: "Listen, I oughta get home. My mum'll kill me if she notices I'm gone."

"Oh. Alright then."

"Um… I'll see you then." He got up.

"Vince?" He turned as Howard said his name.

"What's up, Howard?"

"Here. My address." He took a pen from his pocket in one hand, and Vince's hand in the other, scribbling the address on his palm. "If you want to come along, it's all good."

"Thanks, mate. If I had something to give you in return, I would, but…"

"It's alright. Just, stay out of trouble, yeah?"

"Yeah. You too." He walked a few steps, then turned and said: "Bye, mate."

"Bye, Vince." Howard got up too, and they went their separate ways in the dark.

When Vince got home, his mum was waiting in his room, smoking a cigarette.

"Mum, do you have to smoke in here?" he moaned.

"Shut up, you little skunk. What the hell are you doing?"

"I went out. Just leave it."

"I will not 'just leave it'! I want to know why you're out so bloody late!"

"Mum, will you just get out of my room!"

"Why should I go? It's my house, you're the one who should be leaving! And you clearly hate it, so why don't you?"

"You know what? Fine. I will." He grabbed his suitcase from under the bed and began to throw all his stuff into it.

"Well, where the hell do you think you're going to go? You don't have any friends to stay with!" Vince was silent until he finished packing. Then he stood very close to his mother and said calmly:

"Think again. I've got a friend, and I'm going to his flat."

"What's his name then, eh? Tell me that, you lying little brat!"

"His name's Howard Moon. He's my mate. Now get out of my way." His mum removed herself from the doorway, and Vince ran down the stairs and out the front door. He was free. Finally.

It didn't take long for Vince to find the right street. It was only a few blocks away from his house, and after a while he found the right area of flats too. He stared at the scrawl on his hand in the dark. Block B was the one he needed. He went over to look at the sign on the nearest one. It said Block F. He walked around the square of grass, following the paths, until he reached Block B. Then he headed inside. He noticed that Howard's flat was on the floor second from the top. He would have been perfectly happy to use the stairs, as he hated lifts, but there was a group of teenagers hanging around near them, a pall of smoke and the smell of weed surrounding them. He went into the lift, pressed the button for floor fifteen, and waited as he rose slowly to the top. As soon as the doors opened, he leapt out, glad to leave the tiny, juddering enclosure. Right. He was looking for flat 51. He noticed number one quite close by, and followed the numbers around. Eventually, about twenty minutes later, he reached number 51. His heart was fluttering a bit. He doubted Howard had been expecting him the same night. He might be asleep. But then Vince remembered that the reason he'd been in the park in the first place was because he couldn't sleep. So he knocked on the door. For a few seconds, there was silence, then a scuffling, a loud bang, and the sound of someone swearing. The door was opened suddenly, and Vince smiled tentatively.

"Hey Howard." He almost whispered. "Can I come in?"

**Reviews are more epic than a really bad fail. And a whole lot nicer to experience :)**


	2. The Flat

**A/N: So, I've spent pretty much all day writing this because I pretty much have nothing to do since I'm not at school. I think it was worth it though, and this chapter was much happier and a lot of fun to write. Therefore, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!**

**Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh is an incredible anthropomorphic entity, but it isn't _my_ anthropomorphic entity. :(**

23/12/1989

Howard had finally dropped off to sleep when Vince woke him up.

"For god's sake, Vince, what do you want?" He groaned.

"Well, you know you said Father Christmas isn't real? Does that mean his elves have to do his job for him?"

"What?"

"You know, delivering the presents and looking after the reindeer and stuff."

"No. They don't exist either. Now would you go back to sleep? It's three am."

"Oh. Sorry Howard."

"S'fine. Just wait until it gets light, will you?"

"Okay. I'm going back to bed then." Vince stood up from where he'd been sitting on the edge of Howard's bed and lay down in the camp bed they had set up in the corner, until they got a proper bed or a bigger flat. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but it did the job. He lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, shivering a little as the wind battered the windows outside. He sighed, turned over, and pulled the covers up to his neck. It was nearly Christmas. And then, in the New Year, Howard was going to take him to the zoo where he worked to meet his boss and have an interview for the job of new keeper. Then he and Howard would be working together too. He was glad about that. He had grown to really like Howard. Even though he was a bit weird, and too quiet, and didn't like parties, and was starting to prefer jazz. He was the first person for a while to have shown Vince happiness and kindness. He was the only mate Vince had ever known that hadn't left him behind after a few weeks. Howard didn't care about all Vince's insecurities and weaknesses. Vince had taken over his wardrobe with his millions of spangly outfits, but that was okay, because Howard didn't have many clothes. Vince talked in his sleep, but that was okay, because Howard was a light sleeper anyway. Vince asked stupid questions, but that was okay, because Howard gave stupid answers to a lot of them. It was an arrangement that worked. And although they weren't particularly close yet, Vince hoped that Christmas would help change that. After all, it had only been two months so far. Barely even that. So maybe they would grow to be better friends as time went on. Or not. Maybe they would just have an argument and blow it. Who could tell? It was early days yet. They'd sort it out. And if it didn't work, well, he'd survived on his own before, and he guessed Howard had too. They'd sort it. Somehow.

The next time Vince awoke was at around eleven am. He sat up and noted that Howard was already up. Still, that wasn't unusual. That was how it had been every day since he'd moved in. Vince was a heavy sleeper, Howard wasn't. And Howard hated sleeping in anyway; he said it made him feel lazy. So he left the sleeping to Vince. Vince was happy with this solution, and this morning, like most days, he woke up feeling like he could face anything. He went to get a shower and put his clothes on, which today consisted of a black t-shirt with a print of Rudi and Spider on it, a white blazer, and extraordinarily tight black trousers. He couldn't decide which shoes to put on, so for now he padded through to the kitchen barefoot. Normally Howard would be at work at this time, as he worked mornings, but since it was so near to Christmas, he was at home. Vince found him sitting at the kitchen table drinking strong black coffee and flipping through a magazine.

"Alright, mate?" Vince greeted him with a smile.

"Morning, Vince." He closed the magazine and passed it to Vince. "Here. I went out earlier and I thought this looked your sort of thing. New fashion magazine, just started. That's the first issue. It doesn't interest me much, but…"

"Cool, thanks." He took the magazine and read the title. "Cheekbone. Weird." He put it down on the table as he poured cereals from the box on the counter into a bowl. Then he settled down to eat.

"So, did you sleep well?" Howard asked.

"Yeah, alright. You?"

"Pretty much, considering you woke me up at three am."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I'm just well excited about Christmas."

"Yeah? Well, only a couple of days to go now."

"I know. It's gonna be my first Christmas away from home."

"Well, let's hope it's a good one."

"Have you got me anything?"

"Yeah, but I'm not telling you what it is."

"Oh."

"Have you got me anything?"

"Yeah, of course I have."

"Thanks."

"Yeah. You too." There was silence for a couple of seconds, then Vince continued. "You know, I'm properly grateful for all this. For letting me live here and not making me help with the rent."

"It's okay, Vince. You couldn't pay anyway; you don't have a job yet."

"No. But I will soon, right?"

"Hopefully, yeah. My boss is pretty desperate, so he'll probably take you."

"Great."

"And also, we're mates. Take it as a favour you owe me that I've not asked for yet."

"Okay."

"Good." Howard got up from the table to go to the bathroom, but Vince stood up too and hugged him.

"Thanks, mate."

"You know, I don't really like being touched…" Howard mumbled half-heartedly.

"Sorry. But, you know… It needed to be done."

"Yeah. I'll be back in a minute." He headed for the bathroom, and Vince sat back down and continued eating. But a second later, there was a cry of:

"Bloody hellfire! Vince!" Vince went to the bathroom as well, to find Howard standing in front of the door, which was firmly shut.

"What's up, Howard?"

"Did you leave the bloody window open?"

"Yeah, there was a load of condensation from when I had a shower."

"Well, did you have to open it so wide a _pigeon_ could fly in?"

"What? There's a pigeon in the bathroom? Cool."

"No, _not_ cool! Since you let it in, you can go and get it out."

"Oh, great." Vince opened the bathroom door and saw the pigeon sitting on the side of the shower cubicle. It cooed at him warily and edged away.

"It's alright. I ain't gonna hurt you." He whispered.

"Oh. Well, that's good to know." The pigeon said in a perfectly human sounding voice.

"Jesus Christ!" Vince backed away quickly, fell over the bathmat and landed on his bum. Howard stepped into the bathroom and said:

"What the hell are you playing at?"

"The pigeon. The pigeon spoke to me."

"Are you sure you slept alright? You haven't been drugged or anything?"

"Yes, Howard, I'm fine! I swear to you, it spoke to me!"

"Right."

"Look, I'll prove it to you." He turned to the pigeon and said: "Listen, can you say something to Howard for me?"

"What sort of thing d'you want me to say?"

"That'll do." He turned back to Howard. "See? It spoke!"

"All I heard was you talking to it and it cooing at you."

"What? What's going on?"

"He can't hear me. He doesn't speak our language. He doesn't understand. You're the special one, Vince." The pigeon looked at him smugly.

"Oh. Great. Now, would you get out of our bathroom?"

"Sure." The pigeon flapped its wings and took off out of the window, which Vince shut firmly behind it.

"Stupid bird." He muttered.

"Right. What was that all about?"

"Basically, I can talk to pigeons. Which I'm sure is a very useful life skill. Not."

"Well, it might help you at the zoo."

"Oh. Oh my god. Howard, you genius! And what if I can talk to other animals too?"

"What?" Howard frowned, ready to dissuade Vince from his current scheme. But it was too late. Vince had grabbed his arm and was dragging him out of the flat. Then he remembered he had no shoes on and stopped to shove his Chelsea boots on. Before long, they were standing on the street outside. Vince stood in front of a flock of pigeons, arms outstretched, and shouted:

"Hello!" All Howard heard was cooing, but Vince was exhilarated that he could understand the chorus of hellos he received in return. He dashed off towards a poodle on a lead nearby, leaving Howard trailing.

"Hey there." He said to the poodle as he stroked it.

"Alright?" The poodle replied, in a rather more gruff voice than he had expected from a poodle.

"What's your name?" The owner, a young woman wearing altogether too much makeup and too little clothing, said:

"He's called Fluffy." But the poodle snorted.

"That's what she thinks. My real name's Dave."

"Oh, cool."

"It seems a bit stupid, don't it. Getting called Fluffy. I mean, what's a poodle gotta do these days to earn a bit o' respectability?" His owner walked away, dragging Fluffy/Dave behind her. Vince trotted up to Howard.

"Howard, I can talk to dogs as well! Maybe I can talk to all animals!"

"Maybe. And that'll be pretty useful at the zoo. But can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"No more talking to animals until then? Please?"

"Okay." Howard sighed with relief.

"Good. There's only so much I can take."

"Yeah. Come on; let's get home. I haven't finished my breakfast." He threw an arm around Howard (with difficulty; Howard was much taller than him at the moment) and they headed back to the pokey, damp flat they called home.

**So, do you like? Reviews rock more than Kasabian :)**


	3. The Zoo

**A/N: I think this will be the last chapter of prequel that I write :( I really enjoy writing it but I find it easier to write during the Boosh rather than before. However, if anyone wants to see anything written, send me a request and I will try my best. By the way, the song Vince is listening to at the beginning and singing along to is Sleep by Marion. It was the only song from the 90's that I know and own. I hope you enjoy it :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the godly personality that is the Mighty Boosh**

27/1/97

Music blared through the tiny hut, deafening Howard on its way past his ears. Vince was making a cup of tea, singing along:

"Oh, someone told me that you really liked me but I fell asleep almost instantly. And in my sleep I dreamt that you found me but I found my feet so come and run with me!" Howard couldn't even identify the song, but it was giving him headache.

"Vince!" He yelled over the din. "Turn that bloody music down!" Vince jumped and spilt tea on the floor, but quickly turned the dial on the radio so that it was quiet enough for them to hear each other talk. He mopped up the tea in grouchy silence, shooting daggers at Howard when he turned his back. But Howard turned around and said:

"Look, I'm sorry, but you were doing my head in."

"Yeah, it's alright. I know you prefer jazz."

"Jazz is a wonderful thing, sir."

"Not to me, it ain't. I reckon it's to do with ears."

"What?"

"Ears. You know, maybe your ears need to be a certain shape to like it, or something."

"You do talk crap, Vince." Vince shrugged and sat down on the saggy sofa, cradling his warm mug in his hands. He needed the heat; the hut was freezing. But then, it would be. They were snowed in. There was a foot of snow outside, freezing the door shut and icing the windows to their frames. They were trapped in the hut. The zoo was closed because of the weather, and other keepers came in every day to feed the animals. But they never seemed to notice, or care, that there were two more keepers trapped nearby. Howard and Vince had given up trying to make them hear. They had enough food to last about a month, and they'd managed to defrost the pipes and fix the heating. Well, mostly Howard had done that part, although Vince had pitched in with his hairdryer to warm the pipes. The thing was, Vince was starting to care a lot more about what he looked like, and less about other people. Howard had explained to him that that wasn't how it should have worked, that it was how he _acted_ that would define how people _saw_ him. But Vince didn't understand that properly. He just got on with it. And most of the time, he was his usual, happy, cheery self. But the winter weather always got him down. He liked the sun and warmth, not the cold, snow and hail. Howard watched as he sighed, sending the steam from his tea into a billowing cloud that slowly evaporated into the air.

"Are you alright, little man?" he asked, sitting down next to him on the sofa. He wasn't quite sure where the nickname had come from, but it sounded right. And it made Vince smile a little.

"Yeah. I'm just… I don't know. I feel tired, but I only got out of bed an hour ago. And it's like… darkness. That's all I can see."

"You don't sound too alright to me."

"I get like this every winter. It's like being in a tunnel. And then, in spring, I get to the other end, and everything's fine again."

"I think it's just the weather, Vince. Cold makes your body slow down, you know."

"Really?"

"Yeah. And that can make you feel different."

"How do you know?"

"Cause I used to get like that in winter as well. Didn't you notice, right back when we first met? I got it differently though, I got stressed."

"Oh, yeah. You were well stroppy when that pigeon got in, d'you remember?"

"Yeah." Howard had to smile at the memory of being dragged around the city finding animals. Vince smiled a bit too, but it soon faded.

"I wish it had never happened now." He whispered.

"Hey. Come on, now. It's not that bad here, is it? We're gonna be okay, you know."

"Are we?"

"Yeah. Promise." Vince smiled again, properly this time, but innocently. He didn't seem to know that this was a promise Howard could never be sure if he would keep. He patted him on the shoulder.

"Don't touch me." Howard grumbled. Vince raised an eyebrow and backed off, taking his mug back to the sink. Howard realised what he'd done and groaned.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I keep messing things up, don't I?"

"Yeah. Just a bit. But it's okay, cause you're my mate, and that's meant to happen sometimes, otherwise things are too perfect." Vince smiled again, innocent as a child, wide eyed under his embellished trilby hat.

"Um… okay. How do you know that?"

"Cause you told me once. Don't you remember?"

"No."

"Well, I'll tell you."

* * *

><p><em>66/94_

"_Vince, for god's sake, you can't go to work in that!" Howard said in shock._

"_Why not? It's just a cape!" Vince responded angrily._

("Oh, I remember this one now." Howard put in.

"Help me tell it, then." Vince replied.)

"_Fossil'll go nuts!" _

"_Oh, who gives a monkey's? Fossil can take a running jump for all I care."_

"_That's the point, Vince! You can't just not care about someone like that! You have to pay attention to others."_

"_Well, why should I, when they don't pay attention to me?" Vince stormed out of the kitchen and into their room in the flat, cape streaming behind him. Howard put his head in his hands. Was this what it was all about? Attention? Was that why he wore those ridiculous clothes? Because he thought no one cared enough to look at him, listen to him? He hadn't been himself lately, Howard would be the first to admit that. So he went into their room quietly. Vince stood in front of the wardrobe, looking for something else to wear. He looked up when Howard walked in._

"_Fuck off, Howard." He said with feeling._

"_Look, mate, I'm sorry. I know fashion's important to you. You need to keep up impressions, so… You can wear the cape if you want to." Vince looked up, a sparkle in his eyes._

"_Really?" He beamed._

"_Yeah, go for it. You're right. To hell with Fossil. But you do need to listen to him sometimes. He is our boss."_

"_Yeah, I know. And thank you." He hugged Howard tightly. Howard protested, but gave up as Vince said: "And I'm sorry I'm such a dick."_

"_It's alright. Sometimes you need to be a dick, because we're good friends and something needs to go wrong occasionally to stop it being too perfect."_

"_Oh. Okay then."_

"_Come on, we need to get to work, or we're gonna be late."_

"_Yeah, okay."_

* * *

><p>"That wasn't a bad day, really, was it?" Howard said, back in the present.<p>

"Nah. Fossil didn't have a go at me after all." Vince said with a grin.

"No. He seemed all in favour of it actually."

"Yeah. I swear I saw him the next day wearin' a cape and dancing."

"Not unusual for Fossil really, is it?"

"Not really, no. Nothing's unusual for him."

"True. He's definitely… what shall I say? Unique."

"Weird more like. But we're all unique, aren't we? I like that everyone's different. Like, you like jazz, and I'm all fashionable, and Naboo's a shaman. And who knows what Fossil is."

"Yeah. It's good really, isn't it?"

"Mmm." Vince seemed to realise something, and smiled. "You know what, Howard?"

"What?"

"I feel a bit better now. Maybe tea and a memory is all you need."

**What do you think? Reviews are as cool as a...no, not a cucumber. A banana. Ha, got you, there, didn't I? :P**


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